Beautiful Sarcasm: I Killed A Turkey And Cut Off Its Neck, So I Can Rest Now


Sometimes I scare myself. My parents recently brought over a handwritten Thanksgiving essay I composed for second-grade English class. Yeah, I hadn’t seen this masterpiece since I wrote it in 1983! Here it is (and above is the actual illustration that went along):

Max Kalehoff English

My mom made me get up early in the morning and kill a turkey for Thanksgiving. Then I had to clean him and cut the neck off. After that I had to get the fire started. I put the coals in the smoker. Then I put the turkey in. And lit the coals. Now I can rest.

Twenty-four years later, I’m not the hunter and gatherer I once was. However, many tell me my gray sarcasm lives on strong. And my turkey-scratch handwriting even stronger (see scan of my handwritten essay here)!

Have a happy Thanksgiving! Now, follow the itinerary: stuff yourself and go shopping. And then you, too, can rest.

Published by Max Kalehoff

Father, sailor and marketing executive.

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